The Friday Funnies - Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Some Things To Remember

• Faith is the ability to not panic.
• If you worry, you didn't pray. If you prayed, don't worry.
• As a child of God, prayer is kinda like calling home every day.
• Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
• When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
• Do the math. Count your blessings.
• God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
• Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.
• Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.
• Laugh every day - it's like inner jogging.
• The most important things in your home are the people.
• Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.(Preach it!)
• There is no key to happiness. The door is always open. Come on in.
• A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
• He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
• We do not remember days but moments. Life moves too fast so enjoy your precious moments.
• Nothing is real to you until you experience it; otherwise it's just hearsay.
• It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
• Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking. Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.
• Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. Leave gentle fingerprints on the soul of another for the angels to read. I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it I want to have lived the width of it as well.

~ Author Unknown

Ten Reasons To Attend Sunday School

This is a very funny list that I found at my brothers church website, Ask for the Old Paths. He made the list up just to be funny and I thought that it was worth posting. I thought that some of these were very funny even though I know that many people probably do go to Sunday School just to practice some of things in this list! Oh well, I guess. At least they're going. I hope you get a laugh out of them!

• Get a break from the kids.
• We will cram Bible down your children's throats.
• So the pastor can finally teach the lesson he wanted to teach last week.
• The coloring sheets are really cool.
• Nice comfy seats.
• Maybe Pastor will share a story from This Day in Baptist History.
• It is good discipline to get up early enough to be here at 9:30.
• So all the teachers have something to do.
• So Pastor does not have to feel like he is talking right at one person.
• So you can learn to beat your kids properly.

Ten Predictions For 2008

I recently read this list and I felt that it was extremely appropriate. God will still be at work this year if we will allow Him access to our lives. I am so thankful for his goodness towards us! Remember that if you are not as close to God as you had once been, it is not him who has moved. It is you!

Here are the ten predictions for this coming year! You can label me a prophet because I guarantee that they will happen!

• The Bible will still have the answers.
• Prayer will still work.
• The Holy Spirit will still move.
• God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
• There will still be God-anointed preaching.
• There will still be singing of praise.
• God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
• There will still be room at the Cross.
• Jesus will still love you.
• Jesus will still save the lost.

Questions for the New Year

The beginning of a new year is an ideal time to stop, look up, and get our bearings. To that end, here are some questions to ask prayerfully in the presence of God.

• What’s one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?


• What’s the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?


• What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?


• In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?


• What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?


• What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?


• For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?


• What’s the most important way you will, by God’s grace, try to make this year different from last year?


• What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?


• What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?