The Friday Funnies

Each Friday I am going to be selecting some of the funniest content that is submitted to the humor section of the Forums at The Baptist Muse to feature here at the Blog. This week's features were submitted by our forum member who goes by the name of Jude. Well, come on, let's get started!

Redneck Technology!

LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood.
RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.
HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.
PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time.
WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it's cold outside.
SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it's blak fly season.
BYTE: Whut them flys do.
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.
MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag.
MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.
KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the keys.
SOFTWARE: Them plastic forks and knifs.
MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.
MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.
PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine
ENTER: Northerner talk fer "C'mon in y'all"
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.

How To Tell Your Pigs Apart

Two Irishmen bought two pigs, but then worried about how they could tell whose was whose. Paddy suggested he cut one ear off his pig. The other Paddy thought that was a good idea. This worked fine until a few weeks later when Paddy stormed into Paddy's house. "Paddy, your pig has chewed the ear off my pig! Now we got two pigs with one ear each. Now how we gonna tell whose pig is whose?" "Well, Paddy," said Paddy, "I'll cut ta other ear off my pig. Ten we'll 'ave two pigs and only one of them will 'ave an ear." The other Paddy agreed. This worked fine until a few weeks later when Paddy stormed into Paddy's house. "Paddy, your pig has chewed the other ear offa my pig! Now, we got two pigs with no ears! Now how we gonna tell whose pig is whose?" "Ah, dis is serious, Paddy," said Paddy and he thought a moment. "How about if I'll cut de tail offa my pig and den we'll 'ave two pigs with no ears and only one tail." Paddy agreed. A few weeks later, Paddy stormed into Paddy's house again. "Paddy, your pig has chewed the tail offa my pig and now we got two pigs with no ears and no tails! Now how we gonna tell 'em apart?!" "Ah, forget it," said Paddy. "Why don't you have the black one and I'll have the white one?!"

In Christ,

Nicholas Z. Cardot